Hello! I’m Erin, new Mama to my little Baby Bear, also known as Monkey, also known as Grumpy, also known as High Maintenance, also known as My Whole World.
Baby Bear was born five weeks early, on February 22nd, 2017, which also happened to be mine and my husband’s three year wedding anniversary. He has definitely stolen the show for the rest of his life, but it gives my husband one less date to remember!
Baby being premature came with its own set of challenges, and motherhood is so much harder than I ever thought. Constantly caring for another living human who depends on me for everything is mentally taxing in a way I had never considered. I think about him 100% of the time. Is he hungry? Does he need to be held? Maybe he’s too cold? I second guess everything I do, because WHAT IF I SCAR MY CHILD FOR LIFE. I want an instruction manual, a checklist, a timeline, a formula. If child does X, respond with Y.
Apparently, babies don’t work like that.
I need an outlet and a community. I want a place to document his early weeks/months/years, because time is passing at warp speed. Baby has already outgrown his preemie clothes which is great (he’s gaining weight and catching up on the growth chart!) but terrifying (where have the past six weeks gone?!). This Subaru commercial gives me all the feels, and makes me tear up (ok, sob) every time. (Seriously, I’m sitting in Starbucks writing this and I am struggling to keep it together.)
Because as incredibly hard as this whole mom thing is, it is easily the best thing I’ve ever done. I cannot believe that my body housed, grew, and birthed such a perfect creature. His tiny toes, his pouty mouth, his wrinkled forehead. He is beautiful, and I have never loved anyone or anything more.
I’ve had blogs in the past and it didn’t stick because I was paralyzed by the need to be perfect. I started out strong, but when it took me over an hour to type up a post that I was never quite happy with it, I eventually pushed it to the side. I miss writing, and keeping a journal just seems so 1998. My goal for this blog is to embrace the imperfection and to get out my thoughts without all the editing and curating. Motherhood is slowwwly teaching me to be a little less OCD, so we’ll see how this goes.